I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
