So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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