i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
