Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize