You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
