I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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