So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
