Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
