my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize