the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
