sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
