forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
