living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
