And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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