I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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