so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
