I showed him my bush... on skype.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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