smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
