Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
