when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
