i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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