Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
they need to just BURY HIM!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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