i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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