i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
being pregnant is like rehab
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
