I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
two words: eviction party
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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