dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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