Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
