Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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