Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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