I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize