I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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