She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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