Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
