Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well most of my day revolves around power hour
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
