She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
