Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize