You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
