i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
