OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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