grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
