Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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