So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
even my farts smell like vagina
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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