She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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