17 year olds will be the death of me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I did not marry a roomba.
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