i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
