Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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