i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
