I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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