I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize