Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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