Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
