yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
