We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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