capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
