there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
