better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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