the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize