no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
