Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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