Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
