He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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