she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
