Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
