I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
