but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
