This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
