3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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