just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
