Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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