We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
