Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
