I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
