You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
