Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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