so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize