he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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