I think I won the penis lottery.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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