i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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