im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
