i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize