we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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