Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize