My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
