I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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