Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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